(at your own risk!!!)

1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like
gun into her back)
“You’re under arrest!” (For what?) “For stealing my
heart.”

2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?

3. Are your legs tired?
( girl: Why?)
because you have been running through my mind all day!

4. “I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”

5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve
seemed to have lost myself in your eyes

6. (Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket,
She would say,”What are doing” respond, “Oh, just
checking to see if you were made in Heaven.”

7. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.)
“I was just showing this flower how beautiful you
are.”

8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

9. Walk up to a guy and say: “Are you from heaven?”
“No” he answers.
“Oh, I thought all the angels were from heaven”

10. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek,
and die on your lips.

11. Did you know they changed the alphabet?
They put U and I together.

12. Are you lost?
’cause it’s so strange to see an angel so far
from heaven.

13. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I
have to walk by you again?

14. What’s that in your eye? Oh…it’s a sparkle.

15. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.

16. You can forget about going to heaven because it’s
sin to look that good

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing………………
She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he
acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing
she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust
Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement,
Which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!!!!!!

MEN R SO SIMPLE

If you kiss him, you are appreiciated
If you don’t, then he is equally pleased

If you praise him, he will accept it as a compliment
If you don’t, then also you are admired

If you agree to all his likes, he thinks it is a perfect match
If you don’t, he will respect your likes and dislikes

If you visit him often, he will be overwhelmed
If you don’t, he will understand you have other priorities

If you are well dressed, he will admire you
If you don’t, you are equally beautiful for him

If you are jealous, he knows you love him a lot
If you don’t, he still knows you love him a lot

If you attempt a romance, Your feelings are understood
If you don’t, still you are liked and admired

If you are a minute late, he will thank u that u came.
If you are early, he will be grateful for it

If you visit another man, he understands that it is job related
If you are visited by another woman, he understands you should
have some time to yourself

If you kiss him once in a while, he is head over heals for u.
If you kiss him often, he is crazy for u.

If you help him in crossing the street, you have high moral values
If you do not, he will help u instead

If you stare at another man, You are just admiring a human being
If he stares another women, its because she looks like u….

If you talk, he will listen
If you want to listen, he will talk

In short:
So strong and so understanding
So powerful and so humble
So straight and so simple
So toleratent and wonderful…
…..MEN!

————————————————————————————–
————————————————————————————–

GIRLS ARE COMPLEX CREATURES

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don’t, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it’s bad
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her.
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait.
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.

If you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality
time”
If she is visited by another woman, “oh it’s natural, we are
girls”

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold.
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking
advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack
ethics.
If you do, she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for
seduction.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting.
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just
admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short: So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful
…..Girls?!….Sigh.

please post comments if u like this post it gives me encouragement,
thank u

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I’m a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

FORWARD ON TO ALL WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS (and men who may appreciate good humor)

The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage

And that 1 Bloody marriage has 7777777 Problems. So beware of the glance!

Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, “Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer: “So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom!”

Three Feelings:
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.