(at your own risk!!!)

1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like
gun into her back)
“You’re under arrest!” (For what?) “For stealing my
heart.”

2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?

3. Are your legs tired?
( girl: Why?)
because you have been running through my mind all day!

4. “I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”

5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve
seemed to have lost myself in your eyes

6. (Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket,
She would say,”What are doing” respond, “Oh, just
checking to see if you were made in Heaven.”

7. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.)
“I was just showing this flower how beautiful you
are.”

8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

9. Walk up to a guy and say: “Are you from heaven?”
“No” he answers.
“Oh, I thought all the angels were from heaven”

10. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek,
and die on your lips.

11. Did you know they changed the alphabet?
They put U and I together.

12. Are you lost?
’cause it’s so strange to see an angel so far
from heaven.

13. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I
have to walk by you again?

14. What’s that in your eye? Oh…it’s a sparkle.

15. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.

16. You can forget about going to heaven because it’s
sin to look that good

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing………………
She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he
acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing
she was pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust
Twins’.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement,
Which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident.’
The case was dismissed………!!!!!!!!

MEN R SO SIMPLE

If you kiss him, you are appreiciated
If you don’t, then he is equally pleased

If you praise him, he will accept it as a compliment
If you don’t, then also you are admired

If you agree to all his likes, he thinks it is a perfect match
If you don’t, he will respect your likes and dislikes

If you visit him often, he will be overwhelmed
If you don’t, he will understand you have other priorities

If you are well dressed, he will admire you
If you don’t, you are equally beautiful for him

If you are jealous, he knows you love him a lot
If you don’t, he still knows you love him a lot

If you attempt a romance, Your feelings are understood
If you don’t, still you are liked and admired

If you are a minute late, he will thank u that u came.
If you are early, he will be grateful for it

If you visit another man, he understands that it is job related
If you are visited by another woman, he understands you should
have some time to yourself

If you kiss him once in a while, he is head over heals for u.
If you kiss him often, he is crazy for u.

If you help him in crossing the street, you have high moral values
If you do not, he will help u instead

If you stare at another man, You are just admiring a human being
If he stares another women, its because she looks like u….

If you talk, he will listen
If you want to listen, he will talk

In short:
So strong and so understanding
So powerful and so humble
So straight and so simple
So toleratent and wonderful…
…..MEN!

————————————————————————————–
————————————————————————————–

GIRLS ARE COMPLEX CREATURES

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don’t, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it’s bad
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her.
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait.
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.

If you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality
time”
If she is visited by another woman, “oh it’s natural, we are
girls”

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold.
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking
advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack
ethics.
If you do, she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for
seduction.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting.
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just
admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short: So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful
…..Girls?!….Sigh.

please post comments if u like this post it gives me encouragement,
thank u

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I’m a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

FORWARD ON TO ALL WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS (and men who may appreciate good humor)

The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage

And that 1 Bloody marriage has 7777777 Problems. So beware of the glance!

Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, “Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer: “So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom!”

Three Feelings:
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

NAPSTER
No longer A Possible Solution To Escape Record-buying

TWAIN
Technology Without Any Important Name

PCMCIA
People Can?t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can?t See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASIC
Bill?s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft (or conversely “I Build Macs”)

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon Too

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

Here are some Windows related terms that are proposed to be used in the Hindi version of ………Khidkiyan’DoHazar ( Windows 2000 ):

1.Phaail = File
2.Bachao = Save
3.Aise Bachao = Save as
4.Subko Bachao = Save All
5.Mujhe Bachao = Help
6.Dhoondo = Find
7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
8.Hilao = Move
9.Dak = Mail
10.Dakiya = Mailer
11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom
12.Dhoor se dhekho = Zoom Out
13.Kholo = Open
14.Bandh Karo = Close
15.Naya = New
16.Purana/Khatara = Old
17.Badli Karo = Replace
18.Bhaago = Run
19.Chaapo = Print
20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy
22.Kaato = Cut
23.Chipkao = Paste
24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
25.Goli Maaro = Delete
26.Nazaara = View
27.Hatyaar = Tools
28.Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
30.Kalti Maaro = Exit
31.Ped = Tree
32.Thooso = Compress
33.Chooha = mouse
34.Tik Karo = Click
35.Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click
36.Idhar-se-Udhar – Forward
37.khamba= Scrollbar

1. Mcft WINDOWS 2000 – ATISUKSHMA MULAYAM (Mcft)
KHIDKIYAAN (windows) AVRUTTI (version) DOHAZAR (2000)”

2. Double Click with the left mouse button – Chuhe ke baye kaan ko
zatpat
do baar marodkar ‘tadak-tadak’=(clik-click) kariye

3. GPF(GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT) – Sarvasaadharan Suraksha Mein Gadbad

4. ‘This program has performed an illegal operation -”Abort,
Retry or
Ignore” ? “Is karyakram ne gairkanooni kaam kiya hai -
zatak se bandkaro
(abort), Koshish karte raho/Hum onge Kamyaab (retry), Goli Maro
(Ignore)”

5. MS POWERPOINT – “AtiSukshma Mulayam ShaktiBindu”
6. MS WORD 6 – “AtiSukshma Mulayam Shabda Cheh”
7. ACCESS – “PRAVESH KI SAMMATI”
8. FOXPRO – “Lombdigiri (Lomiree) mein Maahir”

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

The fellow says, “SAND!”

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects… only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border. Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated…

“What have you got there?”

“Sand.”

“Let me see it.”

Same results… Nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again. Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue.

Finally, one week the fellow didn’t show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, “Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won’t say anything… What were you smuggling?”

The fellow replies, “Bicycles.”